Some people are just not meant to be alone. I'm one of them. Today I'm going through a bout of loneliness. Some days I come home from work and don't even think about it. On those days, my apartment is a place of rest, recharging and a refuge from life's stresses. I step inside and shut out the world. I deeply enjoy the peace it offers. On other days - days like today- I step inside and it's quiet and that familiar pang greets me at the door. I know what's coming. I try to distract myself with books, movies, chats with friends. but it hovers in the background, reminding me that it's not going anywhere. Not tonight.
This is not the type of loneliness that happens because I have no friends, or because I'm not with my friends. This is the kind of loneliness that keeps me away from friends, because sometimes, around people, you feel it more.
I look forward to the day when I won't be lonely anymore. Whether on earth or in heaven. In all honesty, I wonder if I so over-anticipate being fulfilled in a certain way that really nothing on earth is able to satisfy it; that I have built up "not being lonely" so much that no human being can satisfy my ideals for companionship; that the loneliness has taken such deep roots that I will be dissatisfied anyway with what another human being has to offer. Is deep loneliness causing me to expect too much? I hope not.
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