The Opposite of Loneliness Part II

I've been having experiences with a friend which I would describe as the opposite of loneliness. When I've had conversations with God about what types of relational experiences I'd like to have, I tell him that I don't want them to be for nothing. No more fruitless experiences. I tell him that I would like these experiences to lead to something permanent, lasting and meaningful. I don't know where this particular experience will lead, but I have to trust in the fact that God knows I'm tired of coming up empty and being left high and dry. So as I try to guard my heart and manage expectations, I suppose I have to be open to the fact that this may just be a blessing for me to enjoy right now, but I figure I might as well make a list of other experiences that I'd like to see fulfilled. Who knows what might happen...faith is a crazy thing!

1. Exchange funny and deep text messages.
2. Have a deep, nourishing friendship.
3. Have a never-ending night- dinner, movie, and a long, long talk over ice cream on a park bench somewhere.
4. Sit on a couch somewhere and talk about our future together.
5. Go on a hike together.
6. Serve in ministry together.
7. Be my date to a wedding.
8. Hold me in a close, tight, long embrace.
9. Make dinner and watch a favorite TV show together.
10. Stare at me when he thinks I'm not looking.

I'll leave it at an even 10 for now and commit these deep-heart desires to God.

Community

I realized yesterday that I'm afraid of community. I enjoy the fellowship and fun that it brings, but I'm tired -and afraid - of the never-ending cycle of liking guys who don't like me back. These days church leaves me lonelier when I walk out than before I went in :-( I don't desire community like I used to.

I deserve 100%

I deserve 100% of a guy's time and attention. I don't want anything/anyone so badly that I'm willing to settle for less. I will not be vying or competing for attention because I deserve to be desired and pursued.